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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28582116">The Hungry Dragon</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/gemgirl28/pseuds/gemgirl28'>gemgirl28</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>But this is mostly crack, Crack, F/M, I mean there is an important lesson here, Just lots of crack, Post-Canon, The relationships are in the background, Thorough sex education is important, enjoy, sex education is important, this fic is cursed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:33:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,947</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28582116</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/gemgirl28/pseuds/gemgirl28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Aang asks Zuko about the Sparrowkeets and Scorpionbees</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aang &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Katara/Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Suki (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>152</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Hungry Dragon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Ok so for reasons I won't discuss this list <a href="https://wtffanfiction.tumblr.com/post/21958712617/genitals">tumblr</a><br/>was brought to my attention yesterday and my brain immediately went "how can I squeeze as many of these things into one fic as possible?" And voila. This cursed crack came to be.</p><p>Huge shoutout to @ajstyling for willingly beta-ing this mess. You're a gift!!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If Zuko knew he was going to spend his morning teaching the Avatar basic sex education, he would have stayed in bed.</p><p>Unfortunately, no one in Zuko’s palace had the power of premonition. At sunrise, Zuko rose to meet Aang for their morning training session, just as he had every time Aang visited the Fire Nation capital since the end of the war. He walked into the palace courtyard blissfully unaware of the embarrassment waiting for him.</p><p>When Zuko arrived he found Aang meditating in the center of the courtyard, eyes closed and hands fisted in front of his stomach. Zuko silently removed his tunic, carefully setting it on a bench, before seating himself across from Aang. He closed his eyes and focused on his inner flame, urging the embers to life as he soaked up Agni’s rays. Zuko felt his shoulders drop as he relaxed, enjoying the simple quiet of the morning. A sense of calm washed over him. For the first time in recent memory, he imagined his day could be as peaceful as this moment.</p><p>That is, until Aang ruined it.</p><p>“Good morning, Sifu Hotman!” Aang chirped, pulling Zuko out of his meditation. He sighed heavily but opened his eyes with a smile.</p><p>“When are you going to stop calling me that?” Zuko asked, painfully aware the answer was <em>never</em>. He was surprised when Aang didn’t tease him back, but rather looked shy and nervous.</p><p>“Well… I mean, I do have a favor to ask… Really, I’m looking for advice….” Aang stumbled over his words, and Zuko’s interest was piqued. In the two years of their friendship, he rarely saw Aang nervous to ask for advice.</p><p>“Sure, what’s going on?” Zuko asked.</p><p>Aang took a deep breath and measured his exhale before speaking.</p><p>“What do you do when your…wet mushroom is hard?” Aang asked in a level tone despite the flush of his cheeks. Zuko blinked at him, his mind trying to figure out what Aang was asking.</p><p>“Your…wet mushroom?” Zuko tilted his head, mind whirring.</p><p>“Oh! I think I remember my friend Kuzon calling it something else. Bumi called it his kelp bunny, or was it manroot? I think I heard someone on Kyoshi call it their Unagi… Oh!” Aang suddenly exclaimed, smiling brightly, “I think in the Fire Nation it’s called your hungry dragon!”</p><p>Zuko’s jaw dropped and he felt heat rush to his cheeks. He quickly scanned the courtyard, especially grateful for the early hour that no one was around to hear Aang asking him about his-</p><p>“Your dragonhood?! You- you’re asking me what to do when your dragonhood is hard?!” Zuko whispered loudly at Aang, who looked nervous again.</p><p>“Well, yeah, I mean… I don’t really know who else to ask. The monks saved the sparrowkeet and scorpionbee talk for when we were fourteen, but, well…” Aang trailed off, gesturing wildly at himself. Zuko sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes in a weak attempt to fight his impending headache.</p><p>Of course Aang knew nothing of… the sparrowkeets and scorpionbees. Of course no one had thought to have the conversation with him since they were all too busy putting the world back together after a hundred years of war. Zuko was about Aang’s age when his Uncle forced him to listen to the most embarrassing metaphors he’d ever heard. To say that Zuko had responded poorly to that conversation was a gross understatement.</p><p>“Why me?” Zuko choked out.</p><p>“Well, you’re the oldest friend I have, so I figured you would know the most. I mean, aside from Bumi, but he’s a little crazy. And he’s so close with Toph, and I don’t want her to know that I’m asking about my hungry dragon,” Aang explained. Zuko had to give credit to Aang for thinking at least that much through. Toph would absolutely terrorize Aang if she knew what he was asking.</p><p>“What about Sokka?” Zuko asked, desperate to avoid this conversation.</p><p>“What about me?”</p><p>Zuko and Aang’s head’s swiveled to the edge of the courtyard where the man in question had appeared. He sighed in relief, hopeful that he could make his escape now that Sokka was here.</p><p>“Oh hi Sokka! I was just asking Zuko about my-”</p><p>Zuko clamped a hand over Aang’s mouth as he hissed at him, “Don’t you dare shout that across the courtyard.”</p><p>Sokka raised his eyebrow, curiosity peaked at the sight of Zuko shutting Aang up. “What’s going on here?” He asked as he made his way over to Zuko and Aang. Satisfied that Aang would keep the volume down, Zuko withdrew his hand.</p><p>“I was just asking Zuko what I should do when my-” Aang looked at Zuko to confirm, “my dragonhood is hard.” Zuko sighed but gave a small nod, and Aang beamed up at Sokka.</p><p>“Your dragonhood?” Sokka asked, scratching his forehead as he thought it over.</p><p>“Oh, uhm, I’m not sure what you would call it in the Water Tribes,” Aang said, biting his lip as he chewed it over, “I uh, I guess, your you-know-what,” Aang said, waving his hand over his crotch. Zuko smacked his palm to his forehead, wondering if it was possible to use his bending to set himself on fire.</p><p>“Oh! We have a couple different names for that. Your pulsing manmeat, your giant sausage, your meat whistle, your party sausage. Take your pick,” Sokka finished with a shrug.</p><p>“Why are all your names… meat related?” Aang asked, crinkling his nose in disgust at the thought.</p><p>“I dunno,” Sokka said, shrugging again, “Meat is life.”</p><p>Zuko repressed a shudder at the thought, but sensing this was his only chance at escape, he spoke up. “Well that’s fascinating. Aang, since Sokka’s here, why don’t you just ask him? I’m sure he’d be willing to answer your questions,” Zuko said, already moving to stand up.</p><p>“Why don’t you know this stuff?” Sokka asked Aang but directed his question at Zuko.</p><p>“The monks waited till we were fourteen,” Aang repeated, and a knowing smile passed over Sokka’s face.</p><p>“Ah I see. Well as your two best friends, I’m sure we can answer all your questions, right Zuko?” Sokka clasped his hand over Zuko’s shoulder, forcing him back to the ground as Sokka sat.</p><p>“Do you really think he needs both of us here? I mean, I’m pretty sure you and Suki are more… experienced at this stuff than me and- than I am,” Zuko caught himself, praying that Sokka missed his almost slip-up.</p><p>In truth, as embarrassing as having the conversation with Aang alone would have been, it would be a hundred times worse with Sokka present. Zuko and Katara’s relationship was still relatively new, and while he might have thought of Katara once or twice when his… dragonhood was hard, he certainly hadn’t done anything with Katara about it. They had yet to progress beyond kissing, but he knew Sokka would seize the opportunity to interrogate him in order to ensure Zuko was being respectful of Katara’s…flower.</p><p>“No I think we should both be here,” Sokka declared, crossing his arms, and raising an eyebrow in a challenge. Zuko wasn’t sure what argument Sokka would come up with to justify both of them being present for the talk, but he knew Sokka would win. Sighing in defeat, Zuko crossed his arms and settled onto the ground.</p><p>“Fine. First Aang, what do you know of the sparrowkeets and scorpionbees?” Zuko asked as he rubbed his temples. So much for his peaceful start to the day.</p><p>“Well, I know that the sparrowkeets and scorpionbees is how babies are made, but I don’t know what that actually looks like,” Aang said, using his fingers to tally his limited knowledge. “And I, I think I know what to do, you know, by myself, but I want to make sure I’m doing it correctly,” Aang said. Zuko was certain both he and Sokka were as red as Zuko’s robes.</p><p>“Ok, anything else?” Sokka asked, scratching his chin as if they were discussing a philosophical theory, and not Aang’s (lack of) sexual experience.</p><p>“Uhm, I think Kuzon once heard his brother say if you wrote your name in a girl’s pleasure pearl with your tongue that she’d explode from the inside out. He said it like it was a good thing, but I don’t know why you’d want a girl to explode,” Aang explained.</p><p>Sokka grinned smugly as he replied, “Kuzon’s brother was right. You could also write out every kanji you know, if you need to keep going.”</p><p>“Why would you-”</p><p>“We’ll get to that,” Zuko cut Aang off, glaring at Sokka. Sokka chuckled but managed to ask Aang, “So, can you describe what you think you’re doing with your manmeat to take care of it?”</p><p>Aang half explained and half demonstrated the motions he used to… take care of himself. At some point during his explanation Zuko came to terms with the fact that this was how he was going to die, of complete and utter embarrassment . After everything he had been through, the fucking Avatar explaining how he masturbated was what was going to kill him.</p><p>“So your basic motion is correct, but it seems like you want to tighten your grip up,” Sokka corrected. Aang nodded and turned to Zuko for reassurance.</p><p>“Yeah, what he said,” Zuko mumbled, unable to bring himself to enunciate the words.</p><p>“So you know how when you’re finished,” Sokka made a crude gesture mimicking their discussion, “you know how you spilled your spaff?”</p><p>“My what?” Aang asked, his features crinkled in confusion again.</p><p>“Your liquid love? Your pale nectar? Your liquified pleasure?” Sokka suggested, his grin turning wicked as he faced Zuko. “You probably call it your hot princely milk,” Sokka said, raising his eyebrows in what Zuko assumed was a suggestive manner, but instead looked like he was spasming.</p><p>“I do not call it that!” Zuko spluttered, utterly mortified. If there was ever a time he wished the spirits would strike him down, it was now.</p><p>“Whatever you say buddy,” Sokka said, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he rolled his eyes.</p><p>“Uh, I don’t think I call it any of that. I think the monk’s called it your special seed,” Aang said. It was Zuko’s turn to roll his eyes.</p><p>“Of course they did. They probably told you that “spilling your seed” was a waste, and wrong, and you were terrible if you spilled your seed doing anything but trying to make a baby,” Zuko suggested, scoffing at the idea.</p><p>“Actually, no. I mean, I was a little young to know for sure, but I seem to remember the monks saying exploration of yourself was healthy. And sure they were all about giving up your earthly attachments, but I don’t remember them being particularly detached when it came to… the sparrowkeets and scorpionbees,” Aang said, trailing off a little as he tried to remember. Zuko flushed with embarrassment, mentally scolding himself for making assumptions about Aang’s culture.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Aang,” Zuko said, dropping his head to his chest.</p><p>“It’s ok,” Aang smiled at Zuko, forgiveness freely given.</p><p>“So anyways, Aang, when you <em>spill your seed, </em>you know how that feels?” Sokka asked, steering them back to the mortifying conversation.</p><p>“Really good!” Aang chirped, and Zuko and Sokka groaned in unison.</p><p>“Ok, as a rule, don’t ever talk to another guy about what it feels like to spill your seed,” Sokka said.</p><p>“Unless you’re into guys! And in a relationship with one,” Zuko clarified, and Sokka raised an eyebrow but when Aang caught his eye nodded.</p><p>“I’m pretty sure I’m not into guys,” Aang defended. Zuko mumbled, “That’s what they all think” under his breath, but when Sokka hit him he cleared his throat.</p><p>“<em>Anyways,</em>” Sokka gritted, “You know how that feels? Well a girl can feel that too. That’s what Kuzon’s cousin meant by a girl exploding.”</p><p>“Kuzon’s brother,” Aang corrected automatically, but he seemed to be lost in thought. “So, where’s a girl’s pleasure pearl? And if I’m… pressing on it, how does my seed get inside it to make a baby?”</p><p>Zuko flopped back on the ground, covering his eyes with an arm as he yelled. Sokka laughed and clasped his hand on Aang’s shoulder.</p><p>“It doesn’t go <em>in </em>her pearl, it goes in her zillyhoo,” Sokka proudly explained. Zuko groaned again. He never wanted to be an earthbender, but at this moment he wished he could disappear into the ground below him.</p><p>“And what do you Fire Nation men call it then?” Sokka asked, nudging Zuko’s foot. He mumbled his answer, but Sokka sang, “I can’t hear you,” so Zuko took a breath and said, “the gates of Azulon.”</p><p>Sokka busted out laughing. When Zuko peeked at him behind his arm he saw Sokka was doubled over, tears streaming down his face, clutching his sides as he guffawed.</p><p>“What? Like that’s any better than <em>zillyhoo,</em>” Zuko spat, and Sokka sat up.</p><p>“Look, I’ve heard some terrible ones in my time. Haynannernanners, Libidinously slurping cakehole of love, the penetration station-”</p><p>“The WHAT?!” A shrill shriek rang out through the courtyard. Zuko’s heart raced as he sat up, but came to a complete standstill when he saw the source of the cry.</p><p>
  <em>Katara.</em>
</p><p>Katara stomped across the courtyard, a furious look in her features which hadn’t been directed his way since before their life changing field trip.</p><p>“What on earth are you teaching Aang?” Katara demanded, crossing her arms in front of her chest. Sokka and Zuko shared a guilty look, and Zuko prayed Sokka would keep his mouth shut. Sokka gave a small nod, barely noticeable, and Zuko relaxed minutely.</p><p>Too bad Aang didn’t get the memo.</p><p>“Sokka and Zuko were teaching me about the sparrowkeets and what to do with a pleasure pearl!” Aang proudly proclaimed.</p><p>A look of horror washed over Katara’s features. Zuko tensed, preparing for the storm that was brewing. “You were teaching him- a pearl- <em>what on earth?!</em>” Katara spluttered. Out of the corner of his eye, Zuko watched Sokka inch slowly away from Katara, hand reaching for the boomerang strapped to his back.</p><p>“You!” Katara whirled on her brother, jabbing a finger in his chest, “How on <em>earth </em>did you convince Suki to have sex with you while calling her vagina a… a <em>penetration station?</em>”</p><p>Sokka spluttered a half-apology, struggling to form a proper sentence under the threat of Katara’s anger. Zuko tried to make his escape while she was focused on her brother, but luck had never been on Zuko’s side, and this morning was no exception.</p><p>“And you!” Katara cried, turning to jab her finger into his chest, “How could you let Aang go around believing that a vagina is called something ridiculous? And a pearl? What is wrong with you two?!”</p><p>“Sorry,” Zuko mumbled, dropping his head in shame. Katara glared between them for a few more minutes before turning on Aang.</p><p>“Why on earth would you ask these two to give you the sex talk?” Katara asked, the bite slightly fading from her tone.</p><p>“I uhm, I didn’t know who else to ask, and Zuko’s the oldest of us, and Sokka overheard us, and I’m fourteen now so it’s time for me to learn,” Aang rambled nervously. Katara’s expression softened as she closed her eyes, inhaling deeply through her nose and exhaling through her mouth. When she opened her eyes they were no longer hard as ice, but twinkled with mirth.</p><p>“Well, I guess it is time you learned. But of course you need a proper education. All of you,” she stared at Sokka and Zuko for a moment too long to be comfortable before brightly turning to Aang. “I’ll teach you!”</p><p>Sokka groaned and Zuko prayed, not for the first time, to be put out of his misery, yet again the spirits did not spare him.</p>
<hr/><p>A mortifying yet educational hour later, Katara released them from her lesson. Sokka’s complexion paled steadily throughout the hour. He muttered incoherently as he walked away, though Zuko distinctly heard “never touching myself again.”</p><p>Aang looked equally shocked and confused as he made his way from the courtyard. He suddenly stopped, calling over his shoulder, “Hey Zuko, any chance we could push that trade meeting back to this afternoon? I think I need some time to… digest all of that.”</p><p>Zuko nodded as he stood, then answered, “Yeah, I’ll have my scheduler move some things around.”</p><p>Aang nodded and disappeared around a corner. Zuko collected his tunic from the bench and shrugged it on, somehow managing to feel even more embarassed as he realized he had sat <em>shirtless </em>while his girlfriend corrected the gaps in his sex education.</p><p>“So,” Katara began slowly, as if testing the word in her mouth.</p><p>“So,” Zuko repeated, terrified to say anything else.</p><p>Katara raised an eyebrow at him, her too blue eyes flashing as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Do you really call your penis your dragonhood?”</p><p>Zuko fell on the ground with a moan, covering his face and trying to crumple himself into the ground, while Katara burst into laughter.</p><p>“Not helping,” he managed to choke out.</p><p>“Wasn’t trying to,” she said, wiping the tears from her eyes as she made her way back into the palace. “Oh, and Zuko?”</p><p>He hesitantly met her eyes. “Yes?”</p><p>Katara smirked, letting her eyes roam lazily down and back up his form. “I still hope I get to see it someday.”</p><p>She laughed at his spluttering as she left, the noise echoing off the walls long after she was gone.</p><p>Maybe it was worth getting out of bed today after all.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ok but in all seriousness, using proper names for genitals during sex education is sooooo important! Please be smart, have safe sex, all that good jazz.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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